Airing of the Grievances...

Greetings and salutations,

I finally managed to wrestle Papa away from a couple of his other titillating obligations to aide me in expressing my thoughts in this fascinating and articulate electronic medium. We have so much fun espousing thoughts and concerns over contemporary conundrums that another foray into the ol' blogosphere was long overdue. With that prelude, I would like to turn your respective attention to the fact that another (or make that a second) holiday season is upon us.

For many of you, the holiday season really means Christmas. What other conclusion might one draw? Before the ghosts and ghouls had their spirits tucked away following a frightful yet mildly entertaining Halloween excursion Christmas decorations had exploded throughout our local retailers. With my only my rudimentary educational background in the subject of history, I would think that the Native American population would be astounded at this turn of events. I mean, many contend that those who established this great nation actually stole their land in an attempt to foster our burgeoning country. At present we have (at least largely commercially) phased out the holiday based on the generosity of the Native Americans assisting the naive pilgrims. That is just a thought from the Thanksgiving kiddie table.

Anyway, another holiday whisked aside for the majesty of Christmas (which I must say I enjoy as well) is Festivus. Popular culture recalls this marvelous celebration from a 1997 episode of Seinfeld entitled "The Strike". One George Costanza is forced to recall a painful memory of a peculiar holiday seemingly created by his father in the face of a commercialized (imagine that) Christmas. Just to set the record straight, Festivus is an actual, honest-to-goodness non-denominational holiday created by the father of a writer for the show Seinfeld. For a little more scintillating background information, please feel free to visit: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Festivus.


Background aside, I fully appreciate the nuances of this celebration (at least as much as a 15 month old can). This includes the subtly that it is normally celebrated on December 23rd. However, I am pleading for leniency on this matter. My attention span (and memory for that matter) may not allow me to recall the salient issues germane to this holiday. Consequently, I have elected to commence with this holiday on November 11th. While akin to "But he started it...", I figure if Target can sell Christmas stockings on Labor Day I can start the Festivus for the rest of us a couple of weeks early.

An intricate component of Festivus entails the airing of the grievances. At the tender age of 15 months, I think "grievances" may be a bit harsh. But with that said, I do have a couple of issues that I need to get off my chest, if I may.

1. The Diaper Genie II is a fabulous invention, please do not misunderstand. But let us not kid ourselves, my room still stinks. The smell alone made Mama regift breakfast two days ago. Mama and Papa, plop that thing in your room for a night and let me know what you think.


2. Who are we kidding, Mama and Papa? I really do not care for socks at this formative stage in my life. Just let that one go...


3. I will not be eating the apples, so just give up on that one. Apple puffs, apple jacks, apple juice, applesauce, apple pie, apple fruit snacks = all wonderful options. An actual apple = forget it.


4. Would you please stop reprimanding me for putting the strainer on my head? If it is really such a nuisance, put some of those clamps on the door like you did with all the other fun stuff.
   
   
5. I politely request that you, Mama and Papa, clean your own noses out with that green bulb thing and let me know how it feels.
   
   
6. One's temperature can be taken via various orifices. Let us try something else, shall we?


7. Hey, what happened to all that Halloween candy I diligently collected anyway?


8. Chicago Bears, please pull it together. The only thing more porous than our defense is my diaper after a long evening of whole milk right before bedtime.

While cathartic, the aforementioned musings are not the only sacred portion of the festival of Festivus. There are, of course the "Feats of Strength", such as when I elect to throw my cup clear across the kitchen. But more importantly there are the "Festivus Miracles." And for all of the grievances I have aired, they all pale in comparison to the miracle for which I am most thankful. Mama continues to assist in the growth and development of my future sibling. Every night I kiss Mama's belly to greet my sibling. Now that is a true miracle, which makes Festivus truly worth celebrating.

In closing, Papa let me in on a little secret the other day. We have this bond and he throws me some pearls every now and again. Yesterday he informed me that the best thing in the entire world is an unsolicited kiss from me, especially when he comes home from work. Papa also said that the second best thing in the entire world is an unsolicited kiss from Mama, especially when he comes home from work.


Carter

Someone in heaven is always looking after me...