Pants on Fire...

Greetings and salutations,

Well, just shy of the storied celebration of the ninth month with humanity I have found myself defining my honor. Can you believe that social morays have put me on the defensive at such a tender age? Look at the expression on my face; I was aghast at the turn of events leading me to my current predicament. I suspect that this is a valuable lesson for me moving forward, although I had not expected to be placed in this precarious situation at this juncture in my development. As a moderately successful blog author, I have elected to dispel the myths surrounding my now sullied name though this forum. I trust that you will carefully peruse the following dissertation and eventually conclude that the character assassination perpetrated upon me is completely and utterly inappropriate.

Assuredly, faithful blog followers are inquiring, "What specifically has Carter's Pampers in a ruffle today?" Well, that artful phrasing is precisely what has me concerned. Please allow me to expound. I have elected to sport a fashionable yet equally comfortable Pampers Cruisers brand of undergarment. After careful product sampling, these diapers are breathable and practical. Plus, they suggest an air of sophistication without being presumptuous. In any event, some of my colleagues at the local playdate hotspots have called into question my use of these undergarments. They cite the fact that I have not met the criteria of being a cruiser and thus should not be wearing clothing suggestive of such an accomplishment. To be honest, I could not formulate a timely retort. Raising an object to their claims at that time would amount to a fallacy, a farce if you will. These friends had insight into my development that I had yet to consider. It was true...I was not yet a cruiser.

At this moment of self-realization I had two potential options: 1) Toss the entire bounty of diapers in favor of a more sedative variety; or 2) Take the plunge and become mobile. Being the adventurous soul that I have found myself to be I chose the latter. Mama, my renowned personal trainer, and I set forth to accomplish this objective. After implementing the muscular mimicry model and hours of dedicated practice I mastered this task! You have read correctly...I am now a cruiser! A day that shall go down in history, Saturday, April 25th, marks my maiden voyage. Skeptics in the audience may request visual verification of this fact, as talk is cheap now days. Thus, I present to you the following video, serving as proof positive that Mama and Papa now must lock up everything imaginable as it is within my reach.

No longer shall my character, and chose of underwear for that matter, be called into question. To paraphrase the immortal philosopher René Descartes, "I crawl, therefore I am." Or perhaps a more apt sentiment is "I am what I wear," namely a cruiser. My colleagues shall not chant, "Liar, liar pants on fire," for I have addressed their concerns. Now, the only reason my pants may catch fire is secondary to the friction caused by my onesie on the carpet. What a relief! I must admit, this blog was cathartic and therapeutic. There is perhaps nothing more validating that successfully defending one's character.

Carter

Someone in heaven is always looking after me...