Toothers...

Greetings and salutations,

It seems that my puppy Alice and I have yet another commonality that warrants further discussion today. While it is true that both of us could be considered quadrupeds, my ability to crawl does not yet elevate me to the esteemed level of Alice. Instead, I am referring to our developing dental mastery. Alice has a fondness for licking everything...faces, hands, glass, the floor, her dog food bowl clean, you name it. However, she also has a propensity to chew on things in the process. It seems that my own dental metamorphosis has similar qualities.

I am now the proud owner of five teeth, three on the maxillary surface and two mandibular chompers. Papa now refers to me as Carter O'lantern due to the Halloween-esque appearance of my grin at present. These teeth have compelled me to chew on virtually everything...faces, hands, not so much glass, the floor, my cereal bowl clean, you name it. Papa thinks that in a mere matter of weeks we will be sharing a pizza with him. He recommends the Old Chicago pepperoni, if you are interested (Yet another marketing opportunity...My schedule is available; commercials, fliers, Internet campaigns, whatever your fancy. Papa is now accepting offers.). In any event, I might hold off on that for a bit, but I must admit that the thought is tantalizing.

For me, the teeth are really an investment in the future. Sure, they will eventually enable me to expand my palate, dabbling in the delicacies our society has to offer. Before long I will be eating solid foods with Mama and Papa. Mama suggests tapas, whatever those are, while Papa states that a Fuddruckers hamburger is a must. Anyway, the nutrient qualities will assuredly be essential to my future development. However, that is not the investment to which I was referring. In these economic times I think teeth are a solid security with high reward potential. The current state of 401K retirement funds, stocks, bonds, municipalities, standard commodities, and real estate are far too volatile for my taste. I find the tangible qualities of teeth far more appealing. I plan to stockpile these enamel-based entities until the market peaks, and then I will call upon the Tooth Fairy to reward my hard work and patience. On the open market twenty baby teeth can fetch a pretty penny. Just think about all the folks in society who pay thousands of dollars for fake teeth. Why settle for artificial chompers when pristine, low mileage teeth are available? With the current rate of inflation I could just retire on those proceeds alone. I guess there are just two things left to do: 1) finish growing those last fifteen teeth and 2) start sleeping on a pillow so I can strategically place those teeth underneath it. So much to do, so little time!


Carter

Someone in heaven is always looking after me...